Truth of the matter
by Sara Loui
Summary: Sam finds out she's missed out on a unique oppurtunity and it's all down to her CO. not my usual S&J shippiness, read and reveiw PLEASE thankyou darlings
1. Disapointment

Disclaimer - You know the score  
  
Summary - Not my usual S/J shippiness. I decided to challenge myself with something a little more angsty for S & J for a change. Let me know what you think. Sam's more than a little pissed at her CO (as you will tell from the first word!). Why? You'll have to read on to find out. R&R Please, Sara Lou.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Bastard" yelled Sam as her fist collided with the locker door next to her own, a slight indentation in the metal appearing, half wishing it was her CO who had been in it's place. The pain now shooting through her knuckles did nothing to curb her anger at him or the events of the day, only fanning the flames, which were threatening to rise even more. She glared through angry tear-filled eyes at the door before grabbing a few things from her own open locker, shoving them into her duffel bag.  
  
"Major Carter?" came a quiet voice from behind.  
  
Sam couldn't keep the impatience or anger from her voice as she answered the younger officer.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Are you ok Ma'am"  
  
Slamming the locker door closed with a resounding crash, she turned her eye on the young lieutenant who was standing on the opposite side of the long bench, which divided the lockers. The younger woman looked slightly nervous and apprehensive at the usually calm Major's aggravated attitude. Sam struggled inwardly to calm her anger, not wanting to alarm the young woman any further. She took a deep breath and counted down from ten quickly in her mind as the younger woman wondered whether to go back to whatever she was in the locker room for or stand waiting for an answer and a more formal dismissal.  
  
"I'm fine Lieutenant"  
  
Choosing not to elaborate on the matters and seeing the Lieutenant was getting more and more nervous Sam slung the long handle of the duffel bag over her shoulder and headed for the door. Her anger seemed to emanate from her and she knew she had her dangerous 'do not disturb' look on her face. She saw frowns reflected back to her from familiar faces and even Siler managed to avoid eye contact.  
  
Sam made her way to the surface of the complex and was soon on her way home, her mind was still reeling from the day's events. She managed to keep some semblance of sanity as she drove home, eventually arriving at her front door. After dumping the bag and her coat in a heap on the floor of her hall she made her way straight to the kitchen, grabbing a cold beer from the fridge. Wrenching off the bottle cap, she took a long cool drink from the bottle seating herself at the kitchen bench on one of the high stools. Once comfortable she set the bottle down, folded her arms on the surface and rested her head in them, finally allowing the tears she had been keeping at bay to surface.  
  
As the tears which showed no sign of subsiding quickly, kept coming and the sobs broke through her usually guarded reserve her mind wandered over and over the days events. Or rather, the fateful meeting with General Hammond which had been in everyone's positive opinion a long time coming.  
  
'Obviously not to one Jack O'Neill' thought Sam to herself, before checking herself. Like an internal command inside telling herself that could be considered an insubordination. Jack had obviously had a reason to have done what he had. She just hoped he would be man enough to step up too the plate and explain his actions.  
  
Sam took another swig of beer, trying to calm her frayed nerves. She looked down at her hands to see swelling and a slight bruise start to appear on her right knuckle where she had hit the locker door. She angrily wiped the tears from her cheeks and eyes with the back of her hand, wincing slightly at the growing pain.  
  
Picking up her beer she slipped down from her seat and wandered into her living room, collapsing onto the couch. Laying back her head she closed her eyes and tried to arrange the actions of the day in order to understand why her world seemed to have toppled down around her.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Jack sat in the darkness of his office thinking back on the day or rather the fateful meeting which had caused Carter to barely cast the frosty, steely glare over his form before retreating first to her office, the locker rooms and then home for their weekend downtime.  
  
He could barely meet Hammond's eyes before beating a hasty retreat to his office and absorbing his attention with overdue reports. Unfortunately they hadn't lasted long enough and he had sat for the last half-hour with the image of her eyes on him for that instance. Those eyes had told him a lot, mostly pain, hurt and anger. Disappointment and the threat of tears had also been present; Jack had not needed to see Sam's eyes to know it was there.  
  
Sighing, Jack pushed back from his desk and rose, walking slowly to the door, resigning himself to the fact that nothing could be done now till the following Monday. It would give Carter a chance to think about things. Maybe see things from his point of view, although he was unsure of that himself.  
  
'You did the right thing' he thought to himself as he ventured along the winding corridors to the elevator to make his own way to the locker rooms.  
  
He stuck his hands deep into his pockets and tilted on his heels as the elevator made its slow way upward. A quiet a skeleton staff was in the running in comparison to the usual hustle and bustle, but with only two teams off world, and they too two indigenous planets with no sign of any 'intelligent' life. Most teams were on a downtime or taking the time on base to relax, catch up on work or revise up on new missions.  
  
Having come back from a heavy mission themselves only the day previous SG1 had been put on downtime until the following week. Jack shook his head, as he headed for the locker rooms. He felt like a traitor in a sense. He knew Carter had been working hard for the chance, hell she had been working for the chance ever since she joined the SGC eight years ago. Everyone knew about the new teams being formed as a starting point for the Alpha site, and that as a valuable, important and experienced member of the SGC Carter's name had come up in suggestions for team leaders.  
  
Jack groaned and sat down on the locker room bench. He just could not get his head round his own thoughts. As the Commanding Officer of the flagship team and second in command of the SGC he had played an important role in the casting of the Alpha site teams. He and Hammond had studied laboriously over the details of each team, so many officers, as many known as unknown to them. It had been a long weary process, which had been going on for months. Carter, along with all the other officers in the running had been informed her name had came up as one of the runners for leading a team at the very beginning. It was also well known when it came down to it, it was Hammond and O'Neill who had the final says. The commanding officers of team members up for the running of any placement had been given the chance, as was their rightful honour and duty to do so, to recommend, advise and agree, about any team member under them in the running.  
  
Jack grimaced and opened his locker and quickly changed, not wanting to dwell on the thoughts any longer. It hadn't even reached the painful part yet and he was already depressed and angry with himself enough. After changing he grabbed his jacket and made his way to the surface. In his case the airmen he did come across avoided any eye contact and managed to mumble 'sir' as they passed quickly.  
  
'News travels fast' Jack thought, finally escaping into the cool night air. He jumped into his truck and made a quick getaway from the suffocating atmosphere of the Cheyenne Mountain Complex. After stopping off to grab a chinese he arrived home and found the suffocating atomsphere must have followed him home.  
  
He busied himself sorting the chinese pots onto a tray and settling himself into the sofa, a couple of beers within easy reach also. It was going to be a long weekend, and who knew what sort of welcome he would get from his 2IC on Monday?  
  
~~~~TBC~~~ 


	2. the meeting

"Hello?"  
  
"Hey Sam it's me"  
  
"Hi Janet"  
  
"I heard the news Sam. I'm so sorry.... Look I know you're not the kind of person who likes to talk about this sort of thing but.... Do you want me to come over?"  
  
"Not tonight Janet, I need time to sort his all out in my head. But thanks anyways. Could you come over tomorrow?"  
  
"Sure I can. You sure you don't need to talk now?"  
  
"Yeah Janet, I'm sure. Look I'll call you tomorrow. I'm fine really. This sort of thing happens all the time you know that. Promotions come and go, we don't always get what we hope to get do we."  
  
"Are you gonna keep telling yourself that in order to make yourself feel better?"  
  
"That and have a few beers which I'm sure will help"  
  
"So you will call tomorrow and we'll talk?"  
  
"I promise Janet. Give me a chance to drown my sorrows"  
  
"Ok Sam, bye"  
  
"Bye Janet, thanks for calling"  
  
Sam replaced the receiver and stared down at it for a moment before looking at the already four empty beer bottles set neatly on her coffee table. She leaned forward and grabbed a fifth, she had the whole of the next day to get over the effects she knew she'd be feeling and she'd be able to talk better with Janet. If she'd talked with Janet then and there she may have said some things she'd later regret about herself and others.  
  
Sighing she grimaced as her hand tightened over the bottle to open it. Her knuckles still hurt and were gaining a nice tinted shade to go with the pain. Glancing at the telephone, she considered for the millionth time phoning him, but the idea was pushed from her mind as quick as it had entered.  
  
'Get over it Sam, you'll have other opportunities'  
  
So, why the hell did she feel like she'd been betrayed almost? That they hadn't had enough faith in her. Of all the names that had been put forward in the running for the six teams which would become the flagship of the alpha site, her name had been in the higher rankings on basis of experience and knowledge. It was an unspoken opinion of most that she would have been chosen to lead one of the two field units being set up.  
  
Sam berated herself inwardly. She of all people should have known not to have gotten high hopes about getting the position, but considering whom she had been up against she could partly justify the upset she was feeling. Of all the names put forward for the leading of the six teams, only four had like herself been with the SGC for eight years. Another two had been part of the SGC for four years, and only one of them as part of a field unit like herself. Two were unknowns who up until they were told of the highly secretive operation hadn't even heard of the SGC program.  
  
Memos had been posted when the teams had been finally drawn up. Each individual would be called at a suitable time to be told whether he or she had gotten the placement. It hadn't been until that very morning Sam had been called to report to Hammond's office at 18:00 for the briefing. Sam smiled to herself, she had very near forgot about the meeting. A new artefact had been brought through by one of the teams the day before and she had the day to carry out certain studies on it before it was taken to area fifty-one.  
  
It wasn't until one of the scientists helping her in the studies had reminded her of the meeting, probably out of their own curiosity, that she had given orders to finish up on some of the tests and have the artefact ready for shipment. She had washed up quickly and reported on the dot, as was her usual habit, never too early, never too late.  
  
Sam covered her face with her hands and groaned softly. Judging by Hammond's quiet, slightly more edgy reserve she should have known from the start. He hadn't even come out and said it straight off, which she wished he had.  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
After taking a deep breath she had tapped lightly on the door and after hearing the soft 'enter' call from Hammond, she had proceeded into the office. The General offered the chair opposite for her to sit which she had politely taken.  
  
"How have the tests been coming on the artefact Major?"  
  
"Fine Sir, we're just finishing off some tests and then the artefact will be ready to be packed up. The tests show some promising results, we have the information running through the computer and hopefully it will come up with some information for us to better understand what the device is for. We're assuming for the moment it is like a backup generator for the hartacs the gould use, seeing as it comes from the wreckage of one and is producing a low energy signature."  
  
"Very good, I'll expect a full report when the test are finished"  
  
"Yes Sir"  
  
"Well Major I assume you know why you're here. It has been a long two months for most of us in the final preparations for the base of the Alpha site finally setting up permanent offworld teams. After careful consideration and long hours of talks with all involved we have managed to assemble the teams we feel would best suit the needs we feel necessary to be met in the new arrangements."  
  
At this point Hammond took a breath from his long practised speech to take a sip of water and look at the Major sitting across from him. Hammond felt wretched for what he was about to say and had been in two minds about the final agreement, seeing both sides of the argument involving Carter's position as a leader of one of the teams. He and Jack had spent many hours together and alone deliberating over the decision. Her name had been enthusiastically backed by the other members of the team brought in too decide on the names, but the final decision had come down too himself and O'Neill. They were the ones who had weighed up the pros and cons. Jack owed him more than one for what he was about to say.  
  
"I'm just going to come right out and say it Major. I am sorry to say you are not one of the candidates becoming part of the Alpha site teams. Myself and Colonel O'Neill feel your presence is too valuable to the SGC to have you off-world permanently."  
  
'God the woman is so clever at hiding her feelings, she hasn't even flinched at the news.'  
  
"Please note Major, this has nothing to do with our feeling that you are not leadership material. On the contrary we feel you are more than ready and when a more appropriate position becomes available your name will be at the top of the list of names considered."  
  
He looked over at her, her face hadn't changed. Hammond knew Sam had probably been expecting a different outcome but she knew was too practised in the art of hiding her true feelings to let him of all people see her disappointment.  
  
"Major?" he said softly wondering if she had any questions or anything to say about the situation.  
  
Sam had snapped out of her initial shock and disappointment, to blink once at the General before wondering what on earth too say.  
  
"Sir?"  
  
"Major I realise this has come as a bit of a disappointment"  
  
"No Sir, this things happens all the time. I'm sure you deliberated long and hard, thankyou for at least considering me and thinking I'm ready for the chance. Is that all Sir?"  
  
"Yes Major, that's all."  
  
Sam had stood in a slight daze. The General had also stood but she didn't wait for a formal dismissal. She had given him a staunch attention before making a hasty exit too the door. Opening the door revealed the figure of O'Neill sitting on the edge of the briefing desk, Tealc sat in the chair by him and Daniel was fiddling with the water jug and glasses. Only Jack seemed to manage keeping his eyes on her, so it had been obvious he had told the other two that she hadn't made the promotion. Sam barely acknowledged his presence, walking stiffly past him towards the stairs. She had suddenly felt claustrophobic and nauseous.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Sam shook her head trying to clear the thoughts away. Tommorow is another day, like Hammond had said, she would be considered in other times. The two unnknown officers along withfour of the already current SGC members had been chosen to lead the six teams. She would have been assigned to the vacancies left by the four vacncies but they had been members of other teams, not leaders of them. And the two unknowns were to be the leaders of the field units. She had found this out when after making her way to her office an airman had brought along the extensive report. She had cast her eyes over the names befoe slipping the file into her top drawer for further study after the weekend. Sam had needed to clear her head and had headed to the locker rooms and then home.  
  
Smiling to herself she made a mental note to apologise to Major Collins, the woman whose locker she had dented and also to the young Lieutentant who she had been a little cold toward. Sighing Samflicked on the TV, hoping somthign would be able to take her mind off things for a while. 


	3. Guy talk

Jack opened the door to admit Daniel who stood with a six pack in one hand and one of those, 'we either talk about it or get pissed avoiding it' faces. Jack stood silently to the side to admit his friend and Daniel walked through the doorway heading into the living area, setting the six pack on the coffee table. Jack followed him and sat down in his chair, picking up a beer as he sat and breaking off the top. Daniel followed suite and looked over to him.  
  
"I don't wanna talk about it Daniel"  
  
"You have to talk to at least her Jack"  
  
"No I don't, I don't have to justify my or Hammond's decision, to you or Carter"  
  
"You owe her a reason. You owe me and Tealc a reason too"  
  
"Are you saying you wanted her off the team?"  
  
"No that's not what I'm saying Jack. I'm saying that she deserved the placement and you kept it from her and she and we at least deserve to know the real reason why"  
  
"You know the reason Daniel. You got a report along with everyone else"  
  
"And you know there's more to it than what's in that report. 'It is felt by all parties that Major Carter's presence is more valuable to the SGC at this time', what the hell kind of explanation is that?"  
  
"It's enough. It's the truth. We need Carter more than the Alpha site does"  
  
"We as in the team or we as in the SGC"  
  
"Both"  
  
Daniel sighed, and sank back into the sofa, glowering at the beer bottle in his hand. Jack glared over at him angry that the young man never failed to pull him from his determination to not talk about things.  
  
"You do realise she needs more of an explanation than we need her more than they do"  
  
"Give me a break Daniel. You may think the decision was easy, believe me it wasn't. I thought long and hard about it, so did Hammond. But it was down to me and I'm the one who said no"  
  
"Why? Why Jack, there's gotta be more to it. I read the report, read the other names and details. Sam was more than qualified than any of them. Hell compared to them she could be commanding officer of the Alpha site."  
  
Jack stayed silent. That was the question he'd been asking himself for the past week. All decisions had been final, Hammond had asked him repeatedly before the names had been verified if he was sure. Jack had known for the week, god how had he even looked her in the eye the past week. He had carried on like normal all the while knowing her hopes were about to be dashed. He felt like a Judas, a hypocrite.  
  
"I don't know Daniel"  
  
It was said quietly and Daniel looked carefully at his friend. Jack was staring at the beer bottle in his hand, through it, into the distance.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Arriving to familiar sight on P7X-990, trees, blue skies, one sun, they had ascertained the planet was indeed unoccupied. Then it had been off to a small temple, which had been sighted.  
  
'A nice easy mission, which could so easily go wrong' thought Jack.  
  
Once arriving at the temple which to Jack looked like it had seen better days Daniel had set to work, with one of those smiles on his face like he'd won the lottery. Carter had set to work setting up camera to take some images to study back at the base. Tealc had stood with Daniel helping with some translation.  
  
"Yup your average easy mission" thought Jack, casting his gaze over the surrounding area, as the minutes passed ever slowly on half hoping a Jaffa would jump out from the brush.  
  
Sam left the camera to softly rotate on it's tripod and joined him reporting things were going as planned.  
  
"Well at least Daniel gets to have a good time. Christmas come early" joked Jack, sliding softly down the wall to sit.  
  
"Yes Sir" replied Sam softly taking in the quite amazing scene of the surrounding area.  
  
"Quite a view from up here"  
  
"Yup, it looks like it until the giant mother ship starts to ascend from the bowels of that there valley"  
  
Sam gave him a 'get a grip' frown and cast her gaze back over the view.  
  
"You know Sir, a mission could actually go straight forward once or twice for us. It has happened, it could happen again"  
  
"Yeah every several months we manage to catch a break. Your good with math cant you kinda level up the chances and give me an idea of when next to expect catching one of the breaks. Or better still maybe tell me when the other teams are up for a break and I'll try and get us on their mission"  
  
"Are you saying you would give up all the excitement we face almost everyday for this type of mission? Where Daniel stares at rocks and walls instead of walking into trouble. Tealc helps him instead of kicking ass, and I take pictures instead of covering your six and you get to sit pointing your gun at tree instead of barking out orders?" said Sam a glint in her eyes and grin on her face.  
  
"Well when you put it like that. No I wouldn't miss it at all" came the dry reply from Jack who had pulled his cap low over his eyes, resting his head back against the wall.  
  
"I think I speak for myself, Tealc and Daniel when I say we feel so.... unwanted"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
It had turned out to be an easy mission. Within hours they had reported to the base, Daniel had spent the rest of the day in his office studying his notes, Carter her pictures and doohickeys and he and tealc had spent time in the gym working our and sparring. He had enjoyed the light sparring conversation with Carter as well. It had played out well; it was something, which they seemed to do increasingly. She had lightened up, so had he. Sure they were CO and 2IC but they were also two people who had worked side by side for eight years and they liked nothing better than sit for a few minutes and tease each other. He to provoke, she to avoid provocation with smart wit and humour.  
  
Yeah they were one hell of a team. Jack finished the bottle in his hand, tossed Daniel another and picked up one for himself. Was that why he had turned her down for the promotion? Because he didn't want her off the team?  
  
"Daniel?"  
  
"Jack?"  
  
"Daniel!  
  
"What?"  
  
"You know what you can be really irritating sometimes"  
  
"I didn't do anything"  
  
"Do you think I didn't give Carter the promotion because I didn't want her off the team?"  
  
"Do you think that?"  
  
Jack mused on the question he had truthfully asked himself. He had just wanted Daniel's opinion on it but Daniel wasn't biting.  
  
"I know she'll be hard to replace when we have to. Can't imagine this team being different. You won't believe the hard time I gave Jonas after you were gone"  
  
"I'd believe it"  
  
"It's something that I've thought of before Daniel. Most the time lately, especially after this entire Alpha sites teams started up. Tealc will want to go home sometime, in the future. It ain't fair that he has to watch his son grow up this distant. He must miss him and family, his people. I cant keep going on, my knees aren't what they used to be. They'll be putting me behind a desk someday soon. Carter is so ready for a team of her own, has been for quite a while"  
  
"And me?"  
  
"You, well Daniel, you are so much safer on base than in the field, as long as your surrounded by rocks, old text and hang with us your happy"  
  
"I'd agree with that, you still haven't answered the question though"  
  
"I thought about it and maybe deep down I did let my own interests at keeping the team together get in the way of my decision, but on the whole no, I dont think I did base it on not wanting her off my team"  
  
"Do you think she sees it that way?"  
  
"I don't know what she's thinking Daniel. I know she was hurt and your right, the excuse was pitiful. She deserves a better explanation than we need you more here than there so the next time a placement comes up you may be considered"  
  
"So your going to talk to her?"  
  
Jack nodded at this finishing his second bottle and moving right on to his third, he had all of Sunday to think about what he was going to say. 


	4. Girl talk

Sam pottered about her house tidying and clearing away any signs of the drinking bout she had undergone the evening before, before Janet arrived. Thankfully she hadn't woken with a hangover but a rather hazy demeanour, which was slowly ebbing away as the morning, wore on.  
  
Surprisingly enough she had had a fitful sleep, possibly due to the alcohol, and hadn't awoke until her alarm clock radio had flickered to life at nine thirty. Janet had called at ten thirty to say she was going to be stopping by after dropping Cassandra at a friends for the afternoon, she would arrive at around one in the afternoon.  
  
Glancing up at the wall clock, which read twelve forty, Sam started to prepare a small lunch. It was a beautiful summer's day and they could sit out on the back porch and eat. She was now looking forward to her friend's arrival, to have some company. She prepared a salad, with some cold meat, and as she was boiling some potatoes, the doorbell ran. Sam opened the door to reveal a smiling Janet Frasier, who bounded past her friend before waiting for an invitation in, set her handbag on the hall dresser and walked into the kitchen.  
  
Sam followed her through to find Janet already delving into the salad helping herself to a cherry tomato with the concerned look in her eyes Sam usually found looking at her when she woke up in the infirmary.  
  
"Want a drink?"  
  
"Please, something cold, its warm out there"  
  
Sam poured them both some fresh lemonade with plenty of ice cubes setting a glass in front of Janet who had helped herself to another tomato.  
  
"Can't you wait a few minutes, the potatoes are nearly done and I thought we could eat outside seeing as it's a gorgeous day"  
  
"Sorry Sam, but I skipped breakfast, we slept in"  
  
"Late night?"  
  
"Sort of. Actually, I was still deliberating coming over here late last night. Scared you may drink yourself into an early grave considering the news you got yesterday"  
  
Sam felt a slight flush touch her cheeks and bent her head over the stove to check the potatoes.  
  
"So you did have a few drinks," said Janet.  
  
"Can't put anything past you Jan"  
  
"I don't blame you. Probably would have done the same myself"  
  
Sam set the food onto trays which she and Janet carried onto the porch. She had heated some rolls as well and they started to dig in, friendly banter arising between them.  
  
"So Cassie's out with friends?"  
  
"Yeah she's been asked if she wants to go on a vacation with them and I said yes so they are now deciding what they should pack"  
  
"When are they going away?"  
  
"The summer holidays"  
  
"That's not for another two months"  
  
"They're seventeen Sam, they have a lot to plan. Tans, wardrobe, bikinis, how to spend parents money on summer clothes"  
  
"Ah those were the days"  
  
"Sure were, except when I was asked to go away for a vacation, it was camping and I took one bag. Cassie isn't happy unless she has at least one large suitcase, a small one and of course a vanity case"  
  
"How things have changed. Well think of it this way, she's only got a few more years like that before the working world takes away all privileges of vacations longer than a few weeks when you have to pay for them yourself"  
  
Silence descended for a few moments. Janet did not want to push Sam on the subject but it was obvious lack of enthusiasm on the conversation that the matter was still weighing heavy on her mind.  
  
"So....?"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Come on Sam, there's only so much of Cassie, work and how the food tastes I can talk about with a mostly one sided conversation"  
  
"I'm sorry Janet"  
  
"No problem, now are you going to talk about it or do I have to bring up a different subject"  
  
"What's there to say? I didn't get it, everybody knows. Nobody, including myself, exactly understands why but"  
  
"But it happens all the time"  
  
"Yeah"  
  
"Well that's nice Sam, but quit with the act. Everyone including me thought you were going, hell we'd packed your bags and had you standing ready at the gate about the same time we found out your name had been put forward for the job"  
  
"Is that your way of saying you would have been glad to see me offworld almost permanently"  
  
"Sam!"  
  
"I'm sorry Janet, but like I said, I still don't get it myself. You know the worst thing; the decisions were made a week ago. He knew a week and didn't give me any clue, just acted like everything was normal. Hell he acted like everything was normal when I walked out of the Generals office after being told the news."  
  
"You know he couldn't have told you anything Sam before yesterday"  
  
"Yes he could Janet. We have worked together for eight years, he knew, he knew how much the promotion would have meant to me. I've tried to go through it my mind. What the hell kind of explanation is they find my presence is more needed at the SGC? Instead, they chose two unknown people, who haven't even heard about the Stargate program to lead the two field units. They have no idea what they're facing out there, meanwhile I've have to sit back and wait until maybe, maybe an option come forward for me at the SGC. I was told I may be considered to lead another team when the option becomes available MAYBE"  
  
Sam sighed and looked over at her friend who quietly sipped her lemonade at let her rant on. It was nice to tell Janet things in total confidence, It wasn't a doctor patient confidentiality, it was a best friend shoulder to cry on, problems to offload upon and hopefully get some encouragement to face the day ahead.  
  
"I'm not looking forward to tomorrow"  
  
"Suck it up Major"  
  
"It's not just having to face. It's everyone else, when I left yesterday everyone was looking or rather avoiding. Looking out the corner of their eyes, I was a little pissed off. Major Larson's locker has a nice dent in it, which I must apologise about. How does news pass round that place so fast?"  
  
"I have no idea, I see that's the effect of your episode with the Major's locker then?" asked Janet nodding towards Sam's bruised knuckles.  
  
"Yeah" replied Sam smiling "Be thankful the locker was there and not a certain Colonel, or you may not be visiting me at home but rather a prison cell"  
  
"It'll be ok Sam"  
  
"Of course it will. It's not the end of the world, and at least I'll be considered for a position when one presents itself. I've lost out to promotions before. This should be no more different than them"  
  
"So why is it?"  
  
"I guess because he made the decision"  
  
"He's your commanding officer"  
  
"He knows me more than I know myself. Same with Daniel and Tealc. And I know he will have more of an explanation than the command needing me more than the Alpha site. He also knows I would be pretty pissed at him for a day or two because I lost out"  
  
"So why are you worried about facing him tomorrow?"  
  
"Because Janet, on Friday night I punched a locker wishing it was his face, I drank myself into a depressive state, cursed him a hundred times over, and he knows it"  
  
"How would he know"  
  
"I think the look I gave him when I left the Generals office left nothing to the imagination"  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"Well let's just say if looks could kill"  
  
"I'd now be looking at the new CO of SG1"  
  
Sam grinned, Janet repaid the smile and they cleared the now empty plates from the back porch in friendly silence.  
  
Sam felt like she'd managed to shift the heavy weight from her shoulders, Janet thought that she looked more relaxed. They spent the rest of the afternoon catching the rays in the back yard. 


	5. Explanations

Jack wandered along the corridor towards Carters lab, at a slow pace still wondering what on earth he was going to say when he arrived. He was greeted by an, empty lab, and forced to ponder whether to wait for her return. Hovering in the doorway for a moment, he entered further looking at the instruments lying around her lab. He picked up a mean looking doohickey and fiddled with it wondering what on earth it was. On the other hand, maybe it wasn't from earth, with this thought he set the object back where he had picked it up from and moved toward her desk. Settling himself down on a chair he fiddled with a pen, he could wait a few minutes, they really needed to talk.  
  
His eyes settled on a board on the wall filled with figures and numbers turning his head this way and that to further understand what was written on it.  
  
"Sir?"  
  
Jack jumped, and swung round in the chair to see his 2IC approaching, settling an armful of folders on a clear space of her workbench.  
  
"Carter"  
  
"Something you need Sir?"  
  
"Actually yeah"  
  
Sam looked over at him curiously waiting for him to go on. Instead standing, he cast his eyes back over her workstation. His mouth felt suddenly dry. Sam watched him closely she had been surprised to find him here of all places, surprised he hadn't avoided her until the briefing they were due for in a couple of hours. He obviously had something on his mind, but didn't now where to start. She would have prompted him on but she really didn't know how. Surprised the situation wasn't more awkward than she had thought it would have been she looked down at the pile of work she had just settled onto the bench and flicked through a few files, setting them into piles as Jack fiddled with a magnifying glass.  
  
Jack realised he was fiddling and shoved his hands into his pockets. He also realised Sam's concentration was being taken up with files and paper. He cleared his throat.  
  
"Carter?"  
  
"Sir?"  
  
Sam stopped what she was doing and looked up at him across the bench.  
  
"Can we sit down and talk"  
  
"Sure"  
  
Sam walked around the bench as Jack motioned to her to sit in her chair, pulling up one for himself. He sat facing her and wondered yet again what he was going to say. Twiddling her fingers together so as not to fold her arms across her chest Sam watched Jack as he ran a hand through his hair nervously.  
  
"I think we, I, need to clear the air over this whole Alpha site team leader..... thing"  
  
Sam stayed silent, acknowledging that he wanted to talk about it but not willing to lead the conversation. She hadn't wanted to leave it either but couldn't find any real reason that she could have challenged him on why he had made the decision. A good enough reason, according to the higher powers of the SGC had been given in the report and she as a subordinate to them would have to take that as that and get on with it. Thankfully O'Neill thought differently. Realising Carter was not going to give him an easy time with this, not that he expected one, and he took a deep breath.  
  
"I dont want you to think I saw your name put forward and said no straight away. I've got no doubt in your leadership qualities, nobody does. Hell if it had been a position here at the SGC I'd have said yes straight off no questions asked. I wasn't surprised your name had came up, neither was Hammond. But the Alpha site program is just new on it's feet to begin with, you'd be living on base for a start, with a team you hardly knew, in strange surroundings. You'd probably handle it as well as most, but you deserve better than that Carter. Throwing you in the deep end that just wouldn't have been right. Your a hell of a soldier, there isn't anyone who wouldn't put their life in your hands who knew you. But your also a scientist, you need your stuff, even just to blow off steam. On the Alpha site, you wouldn't have that. The site is being used a training facility for teams, not science. If the teams field units or otherwise find anything of study the information will be sent here for the checking out."  
  
Jack paused his eyes on Carter who was taking all the information in without any word, nod of head. Just the blank concentration on his words, he sat back relaxing a little into his chair and realised she had stopped twiddling her fingers listening to him.  
  
"I sat for hours going over all the names, the two guys we chose for the field units, are highly experienced in training. The four guys we chose here, they have hardly any connections outside of here. Their life is basically coming to work everyday, hell I'm surprised they don't sleep here. They said themselves; they didn't have any ties to severe. My gut reaction when I saw your name was to say you were the best of any of the names volunteered. You still are, and I would have said yes. However, there was something holding me back. Hammond told me to think about it for a few days, not that I had much time. Our missions haven't exactly been the easiest over the past few weeks. But then after a few heavy missions we all go out and chill, together.  
  
Remember when we all went over too Daniel's after the routine mission to P9x-430?"  
  
"The one where we hid in the forest for eleven hours after being chased by the natives away from the gate no matter how much cover fire we laid on them?"  
  
"Yeah, and we were eaten alive by those damned bugs which were like mosquitoes only smaller and had a nastier bite."  
  
"It was a good night Sir"  
  
"Yeah we all looked like circus freaks seeing as the bite marks had turned purple. It helped make my decision Carter. It wouldn't be fair to send you into the Alpha site just to give you a position which is now long overdue. I'd rather you have to wait around a few more months and be stuck with us than be stuck on another planet for months at a time with people you didn't know running training simulations. It's true the SGC does need you more, your expertise in the gate system, because I'd be damned to have Mckay running round giving his advice. The science stuff, well who would I have to explain the stuff to me? Or the other guys for that matter, they make out like they understand you but truthfully they come running up to me after you've explained it in laymans terms for explanations. Even Daniel"  
  
Sam smiled, she understood what he was saying, and she knew it took a while to get the man talking but once he was on a roll it was getting him to stop.  
  
"Look Carter, are you getting any of this?"  
  
"Loud and clear Sir"  
  
"Thank god, I think I didn't do too bad considering I had no idea what I was going to say when I arrived here. I guess when push comes to shove, the problem with you becoming a team leader of an Alpha site team was you have way too many ties here to severe. I wasn't going to be held responsible for your unhappiness at the cost of promotion"  
  
"I get it Sir"  
  
"Course you realise if you had felt the need to shoot someone out of boredom I wasn't going to have it hanging over my head"  
  
"Sir"  
  
"Although we were interested in finding out how much the new recruits could have taken before dropping out, knowing you of all people could definetely sort the boys from the men"  
  
"Uh Sir"  
  
"And of course it would have been interesting how long Mckay would have lasted before I shot him"  
  
"JACK"  
  
Jack stopped his babbling and looked at Sam who looked exasperated and was smiling.  
  
"I get it, ......... and Thankyou"  
  
"Your welcome Carter. Well now thats cleared up, I'm going to get some cake, you gonna join me?"  
  
"I think I will"  
  
They rose and exited, silent but in higher spirits than either of them had been on arrival. Jack felt a heavy weight had lifted. Sam's mind was more at ease.  
  
Truth of the matter was, they were part of a team, a family which had seen more in eight years than anyone could have imagined. It's hard to let one of your own move on even onto better things, but at least you could have the power decide where and when they moved onto, in order to make the change a happy one for everyone.  
  
~~~~~~~the end~~~~~~ ( 


End file.
